Boardwalk Empire – the star-studded prohibition era drama from HBO – returned to our television screens with a bang this past weekend. The show seems to have found its footing right out of the gate, and is at its well-acted, violent, multi-faceted best in this season’s opening episode – titled “21” for the year portrayed (1921).

When last season closed, Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) had just won the re-election for his party and superficially seemed to have consolidated his hold on booze distribution and political power in Atlantic City. However, a re-invigorated former boss – the Commodore (Dabney Coleman) – had enlisted Nucky’s brother Eli (Shea Whigham) and his protege Jimmy (Michael Pitt) in a conspiracy to overthrow Nucky. In this season’s first episode, the Commodore and his cronies make their first moves to attack Nucky’s lucrative position of power.

The show opens with a visually appealing montage, set to some of those gorgeous, brassy 1920s tunes that the series utilized liberally throughout its first 13 episodes. We catch up with half-faced Richard Harrow (Jack Huston) and Jimmy – who have clearly professionalized their bootlegging operations – importing a large amount of booze at Nucky’s behest for sale to Chalky White (Michael K Williams). Nucky imbibes spirits with his Ward Bosses as they gamble and enjoy the company of show-girls. Van Alden (Michael Shannon) picks up his wife at the train station, Eli is shown to be healing from the gunshot wound he suffered late last season and Margaret (Kelly McDonald) looks wistfully at Nucky’s empty space in their marital bed. The Commodore – in contrast to Nucky’s carefree gallivanting – is practising his spear-work in his extravagant den. It’s a weird shot, but the Commodore is a weird dude – and it serves to convey the old man’s focus and aggression. The montage serves to situate and misdirect the audience into an apparent calm before the storm – before the episode hits us with an outburst of blood and gun play.

Shortly after Jimmy’s delivery to Chalky White, the warehouse where Chalky waters the liqour down is shot up by a group of four Klansmen armed with shotguns and a mounted chain gun. They slaughter five occupants of the warehouse (and one woman, who saves Chalky’s life) in the name of “Purity, Sobriety and the White Christian’s Jesus.” Michael K Williams, who we interviewed about the show this week, has a tremendous acting moment – his traumatized facial expression, and the stylized manner in which the camera zooms in on it is haunting.

The community’s reaction to the shooting is telling – it’s a big deal that Chalky shot a white man, but the five black warehouse workers who died barely register. Nucky, of course, is indifferent to racial politics and plays both sides; speaking of the evils of the Klan in a black church, before condemning the “obstreperous negro” to white parishioners in a different church. Politics was a good deal easier before YouTube, I can tell you. The shot that seamlessly transitions from one church to the other is clever, and underscores Nucky’s overwhelming political apathy. In any event, the trauma and Nucky’s apathetic reaction to it causes Chalky to close up shop – which is exactly what the Commodore (who unleashed the KKK on Chalky’s men) was hoping to achieve.

Nucky’s awareness of the growing plot against him becomes complete at the funeral of the shot Klansmen when Jimmy shows up. Though Jimmy claims to be there because the deceased klansmen is “a former teacher,” Nucky is wise to what’s happening. He feebly warns Jimmy of the Commodore’s duplicity, and a glance inside at a town elder confirms his suspicions. As the episode concludes Nucky is arrested for election fraud, and – though it’s not clear yet – we can safely assume that the Commodore has had a hand in bringing these charges against his rival.

Though the Commodore’s first moves against Nucky drive the plot forward in the season opener, the driving thematic force is the interplay between fathers and their sons. We’ve got Teddy, Margaret’s son – who is misbehaving at school, and playing with matches – in need of fatherly guidance. Jimmy – whose kids, he tells Nucky, are “nearly old enough to shave” – takes his son seagull hunting, something he used to do with Nucky. In contrast to the hunting Jimmy did with Nuck (his adoptive father figure), his natural father the Commodore clearly never had time to take Jimmy shooting – though he brags of his exploits to Jimmy while showing off his own, impressive collection of trophies.

In the episode’s final scene, Jimmy stores Nucky’s wedding gift, a statue of a man and his boy, hunting in the woods, in a place of dishonour while Margaret and her children watch Charlie Chaplin’s The Kid at a theatre. The Kid was Chaplin’s 1921 full-length comedy feature about a tramp who adopts a boy from a poor woman, who soon becomes a famous actress. In the film, Chaplin’s tramp mentors the child in petty crime, and comes to love the boy, before losing the child at the end of the film. Van Patten – of course – makes sure to select the most domestic of the silent film’s scenes to accompany the action in the theatre. Taken together, the two images convey a father’s estrangement from his son – which is the primary emotional conflict in the episode. Jimmy is choosing his natural parents, his mother who very weirdly admits to “kissing his winky” when she would change change his diapers – and his control freak father – and he’s chosen to betray the man who has loved and raised him.

In the episode’s main side-plot, Mrs. Van Alden has come to visit her twisted husband Nelson, who, for my money, remains the show’s most engaging character. Nelson is increasingly in a dark space – he has given into the temptation of Atlantic City or “Soddom by the sea.” His new G-men, Clarkson and Zewicki, gift his wife a seemingly religious pamphlet “If Jesus Ever Came to Atlantic City” that turns out to be a list of brothels and taverns. “It’s the author’s attempt at cynicism,” Nelson assures his wife, though the pamphlet is just another metaphor for the personal corruption eating at Van Alden.

The raid scene in the restaurant is great fun, as Nelson takes some time out from his engagement dinner to beat up the waiter and raid the establishment. Nelson doesn’t seem to have any plans to raid the joint until his wife urges him to do so, and afterwards he notices a bar-back carrying a crate filled with contraband. When he does raid the place, it serves two selfish purposes for Van Alden – it inflames his wife, and allows him to procure the restaurant’s cash in hand to pay-off Lucy who is carrying his child.

The directors clearly love to poke fun at Van Alden and the shot where they transition from Van Alden’s wife, clearly turned on by Van Alden’s lawman outburst, to the bouncing springs at the Hotel Metropole, is a clever stylistic flourish. When Van Alden then turns out the lights before engaging in some godly, marital sex? Well ,that’s the cherry on top.

The season opener has set the table for what I’m expecting to be a significantly stronger season than Boardwalk Empire‘s first go-around. While Boardwalk suffered from some growing pains through its first five or six episodes, it picked up steam in the latter half of last season, and that seems to be carrying through. Nucky is in a precarious bind now: he’s lost his warehouse, and a giant shipment of booze; he must contend with betrayals from a brother, and a son; and he’s got a significant legal problem on his hands. Clearly the stage is set for a serious Hardeen escape artist act, an act that we can expect to include a significant dose of violence, nudity and all that good stuff we love from HBO.

Spoilers for the entirety of Series Five as well as “The Impossible Astronaut” (6.1), “Day of the Moon” (6.2).

As I said in my review, the first episode of Doctor Who‘s Series Six —”The Impossible Astronaut” — was filled with elaborate narrative arcs and characters on the brink of disaster. The second part to this two-parter serial — “Day of the Moon” — does nothing in the way of answering questions or alleviating any of the tension introduced in the previous episode.

We last left The Doctor (Matt Smith) and his companion Amy Pond (Karen Gillan) in an abandoned warehouse in 1960s Florida. Much to The Doctor’s respective shock and horror, Amy revealed that she was pregnant right before shooting a child encased in an astronaut’s suit. While this happened, it was suggested that Amy’s husband Rory (Arthur Darvill) and the mysterious River Song (Alex Kingston) may be killed by the even more mysterious “Big Bad” of this series, the Silents. This cliffhanger was expertly established by the deft pen of writer Steven Moffat. The resolution of this cliffhanger, however, left much to be desired. “Day of the Moon”, though head and shoulders above most Doctor Who episodes, suffers greatly from rehashing of story-lines (read: Rory), terrible pacing and a complete lack of logic.

The Doctor set out on a rescue mission in “The Impossible Astronaut”, an attempt to find the scared child who haunts President Nixon – but also discover what she meant by the astronaut who is coming to eat her. So, why would The Doctor run away from this scared little girl, entrapped in an space suit seconds after Amy attempted to shoot her? This is a man who would move worlds for a crying child, yet in “The Impossible Astronaut” he just runs away? This kind of inconsistency runs rampant throughout “The Impossible Astronaut” — to the point where I had to double-check whether or not Moffat was this episode’s writer. This is uncharacteristic for him, to say the least. Some of the other major inconsistencies and logistical errors include:

• How did Rory and River get away from The Silents?
• Why are the FBI faking their chase of The Doctor, Amy, Rory and River?
• Nixon could have just provided the “safe space” prison immediately. Why didn’t he?
• How did the TARDIS get in the prison without The Doctor or River?
• Why does Canton (Mark Sheppard) need to “kill” the TARDIS Team? Couldn’t The Doctor just use the TARDIS to get his friends, as he was untied?
• How did Amy and Rory pretend they were dead — to the FBI — without being physically injured?
• Canton travelled a lot to “kill” the companions. How did Amy and Rory survive for that long in those body bags?
• What the hell is going on?

There are more — believe me, there are more — and these examples are only from the first ten minutes of the episode. These inconsistencies aside, the episode was visually-gorgeous, boasted strong performances from its leads, and provided enough narrative fodder for at least the rest of this series, if not another. Questions included: Who are the Silents? Is Amy pregnant? Who was the one-eyed woman? Who is River Song? The big one: Who is the little girl in this episode’s final moments? Again, there are more questions, believe me.

Moffat, thankfully, gives us a little sneak into that first question and allows those suit-wearing, Buffy-esque monsters to reveal that, yes, they are the Silents. With the TARDIS Team assembled, Canton is provided with the background for the Silents. It’s been three months since the events of “The Impossible Astronaut” (and six from “A Christmas Carol” (5.X), if you’re counting in relation to the possible pregnancy, like me). The Doctor and his companions have arranged a bit of technology that will help them remember the Silents.

Unfortunately, however, this raises more questions. How does the TARDIS Team even remember that they have forgotten the Silents? Personally, I’m guessing this is because Amelia is an anomaly in regard to time/space and especially memory, given that she lived with the Crack in her wall whilst growing up. That, partnered with the image on her phone of the Silent, lead to her explaining it to the others, etc. However, in the TARDIS, it is revealed that an image of a Silent becomes itself a Silent, where Canton cannot remember seeing the projection once he’s looked away. This is very much in the same vein as the Weeping Angels. The Silents, in fact, are bleeding into Weeping Angel territory throughout “Day of the Moon”. It’s as if you’re safe from the Silents as long as you’re looking at them – much like the Angels. This trope is used heavily in the final confrontation of this episode and it is only at the last second that the Silents seemingly remember they can disintegrate anything they want with a wave of their hand. In “The Impossible Astronaut”, I was completely terrified of the Silents. In “Day of the Moon”? Not so much. If they killed a couple red shirts and maybe harmed a companion or two, I’m sure this opinion would have been drastically altered.

Whovians out there are starting to ask, “Has Doctor Who become too complicated?” I’ve waxed on about inconsistencies and questions but, right at its heart, Doctor Who is a children’s programme. (Apparently.) In the post-Lost television landscape, complicated, mystery-heavy narratives are simultaneously revered and rejected by the same community. In Series Five, Moffat was able to maintain this franchise’s family-friendly “roller-coaster ride” themes all while casting aside the sentimentality and fan-servicing notorious under the helm of Russell T. Davies. Moffat managed to do this while adding his own spin: empowered female companions, terrifying monsters and complicated, rewarding narrative arcs. But has Moffat gone too far? Is Doctor Who too complicated as of Series Six?

If you’re asking for my opinion, well, I watched Lost religiously. I don’t mind a bit of complication.

Arrivals, false glory and palace intrigue are the primary concerns of the third instalment of HBO’s Game of Thrones. The episode is entitled “Lord Snow”, though Jon Snow plays a relatively minor role in the episode as a whole, and is not technically a nobleman (more on this later).  Following the Stark family’s arduous journey from Winterfell, the episode begins with Ned’s uncomfortable arrival in King’s Landing, where he assumes the title of Hand of the King. We learn quickly that Ned has little time for the trivialities of the tropical capital, and his refusal to change into more appropriate garb for his first meeting with the King’s small council may tell us all we need to know about Ned’s suitability for the position he has just assumed.

On his way to the meeting, Ned has a tense conversation with Jaime Lannister about the death of Ned’s father and brother, and their talk shines more light on Jaime’s role in the murder of the “Mad King”, Aerys Targaryen. Though the show will be criticized by some for its reliance on exposition, we have, so far, found exchanges like the one between Jaime and Ned to be rather riveting. Ned’s implication that Jaime’s act of regicide was actually rather cowardly is very striking, and the public execution of Ned’s kin remains a point of curiosity (we can only hope for a gruesome flashback in a subsequent episode).

If you thought dual conspiracies threatening the king (one from the incestuous Lannister twins, and the other the result of the Targaryen union with the Dothraki horde) were concerning – add to it the fact that the Kingdom is in crippling debt, and the soldiers on the Wall are totally unprepared for the coming winter. The “broken cultural and political system” narrative adds urgency to the real politiking in the capital, and makes it so that Aiden Gillen’s appearance as Littlefinger in the series isn’t the only thing that will remind viewers of The Wire.

Reality is of little consequence, it seems, in King’s Landing – and elsewhere in Westeros for that matter. The gulf between the reality of kings of Westeros, and the glory bestowed upon them, is explored at length in two of the episode’s more curious scenes. This gap is introduced by Cersei’s revealing conversation with Prince Joffrey. She assuages his doubts about his own lack of character by assuring him that a King creates his own heroic reality, regardless of the veracity of that version. In a later conversation between the King, Barristan the Bold and the Kingslayer, the King Robert is flat-out interrogating Jaime about his first kill. Considering what we know about how Lannisters view their own relationship with reality; the King, and the audience, are quite right to be dubious of the heroic account given by Jaime. The King’s wonderful exclamation that the losers of a heroic battle often shit themselves but it “never makes it into the songs,” is a clear and rather humorous illustration of the “reality deficit” rampant in the seven kingdoms.

Which brings us back to Jon Snow – who has arrived and begun his training among the Night’s Watch. It was hinted at by the Imp in episode two – but in this episode we get a proper glimpse at the reality of the situation among the Night’s Watch. They are outcasts and criminals, abandoned men left to rot in the lonely cold of the Wall, “everyone knew what this place was” Jon Snow tells Tyrion, “but nobody told me.” Perhaps this is why the episode bears the noble version of Jon Snow’s name, he is the main victim of this gulf between reality and glory in Westeros.

Tidbits:

• The scenes with the Imp and Jon Snow at the Wall; the manner in which the Imp teaches Jon about how to lead his unsavoury compatriots; and the desperate pleas of the Night’s Watch elders to the Imp were well executed. The sense of foreboding and pending doom that pervades the show is most intense at the Wall – especially because the viewer knows for sure , what no characters will openly speculate about: the White Walker’s have indeed returned.

• The acting in this series continues to be strong, and the dialogue flows very well for an exposition heavy show in only its third episode. A comparison of Game of Thrones with the initial start of Boardwalk Empire (a show that took about half a season to get comfortable with itself) is very flattering to the Thrones writing staff. From a pure enjoyment standpoint: the scenes of Arya’s “dance-lessons” with Syrio were great fun, and I rewatched the cryptic monologue from Bram’s care-taker about “the boy who doesn’t like stories” and the “generation long winter” with glee.
• Aiden Gillen, ladies and gentleman. Is there a better actor to portray a rat-fink in all of television? I can’t think of any. When it comes to playing smarmy punchable sycophants, Gillen is, as Tina Turner might say, simply the best.
• The power-shift between Dany and Viserys was awesome for anyone who likes to see pompous, whiny, long-haired blonde dudes get pushed around (i.e. everyone). Dany’s pregnancy is – of course – a game-changer, as the look on Jorah Mormont’s face when he hears the news makes plain. Emilia Clarke has been excellent, and Dany’s character development has been a highlight so far. Her shared kiss with Drogo as she predicts that her spawn will be male, seemed like a genuinely happy moment between the couple – even if it’s clear that Drogo is mostly a means to an end for Dany.

Series Four’s “The End of Time” (4.17) marked the departure of show-runner Russell T. Davies and actor David Tennant from the revived version of BBC’s science fiction classic Doctor Who. Together, these two men have been accredited with bringing The Doctor and his adventures in space and time back into the everyday lives of British schoolchildren. For most, “The End of Time” was appropriately named, as many swore off Doctor Who with the departure of Davies and Tennant.

But for Steven Moffat, this was just the beginning. Writer of fan-favourite episodes such as “The Empty Child” (1.9), “The Girl in the Fireplace” (2.4), “Blink” (3.10) and “Silence in the Library” (4.9), Moffat’s inventive story-lines, original characters and terrifying monsters shattered all expectations of a Doctor Who script, gaining him an incredible following. On paper, Moffat was the right and proper choice as the successor to show-runner Russell T. Davies, and 2010 was the year when he proved it to all the naysayers.

With the eleventh incarnation of The Doctor (Matt Smith) and companion Amy Pond (Karen Gillan), Steven Moffat hit the ground running, creating one of the most entertaining collections of episodes in Doctor Who history. With an impressive amount of critical praise and fan approval, its understandable that his sophomore effort is one of the most highly-anticipated television shows of the year.

This year’s sixth series of Doctor Who starts with the episode “The Impossible Astronaut” (6.1), the first of a two-part story written by Steven Moffat. Here The Doctor is reunited with his recently-married companions Amy and Rory (Arthur Darvill) — months after their honeymoon — as well as the enigmatic archaeologist River Song (Alex Kingston). They are brought together via numbered letters that request their presence in 1960s America, a mysterious summons that The Doctor is unsure about, to put it lightly.

Over the course of this episode’s forty-five minutes, Moffat does what he does best; There are terrifying monsters, well-developed companions and enough timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly stuff to rival some of the greatest Doctor Who out there. The first ten minutes of “The Impossible Astronaut” didn’t feel like a premiere at all but, rather, a finale. I was crying about a minute after the opening credits. Let’s just say something “very not good” happens to one member of the TARDIS team, and the others react appropriately. I would elaborate on this moment, as it will surely effect the entirety of series six, but in the words of River Song: “Spoilers!”

Throughout the episode, I was struck by how much Matt Smith and Karen Gillan have grown into their roles as The Doctor and Amy, respectively. Despite being the youngest actor to play The Doctor, Smith is able to exude an oldness that is unrivaled by his predecessors. His Doctor occasionally displays the childlike curiosity and playfulness that endeared him to his audience in the previous series — but The Doctor within “The Impossible Astronaut” is largely wary and accusing. It feels as if something happened to The Doctor in his absence from Amelia’s life. Within this absence, the one thing that I have been dreading about the future of Amy Pond comes into fruition. Despite this slight disappointment, I was pleased to see Gillan’s portrayal of The Doctor’s feisty partner-in-crime has been largely perfected. Is it just me or is the duo of Eleven and Amy up there with Four and Sarah Jane in regard to chemistry and storytelling?

Amy isn’t the only companion to The Doctor in this series, as Rory Williams (or Pond) and River Song take more permanent positions on the TARDIS team. There is a unexpected moment between River and Rory, as they discuss River’s placement in The Doctor’s time-stream. Here River discusses the complications of living out of sync with The Doctor. Rory and the audience don’t learn anything new about River, but they are provided with an emotional context to Dr. River Song — and this pushes the ending of “The Forest of the Dead” (4.10) into an even more tragic, heartbreaking light.

Even though River is speaking only of herself in this scene, her conversation with Rory illuminates the nuances of the relationships between those in the TARDIS, even those we thought were cemented out previously in “Amy’s Choice” (5.7). There has never been a married couple within the TARDIS before Mr. and Mrs. Pond. This scene alone suggests that there may be a reason why married companions have previously left The Doctor after they’ve become engaged to another man. The addition of Rory as a permanent companion — the first male companion in decades — is a wise choice on the part of Steven Moffat, as he provides a large amount of the laughs in this episode. His pseudo-internship on the TARDIS is amusing to behold. Remember Rory’s reaction when he entered the TARDIS for the first time? You should keep that in mind when Canton (guest star Mark Sheppard) says, “It’s bigger on the inside.”

The “Big Bad” of the opening two-parter — and it is rumored that they’re the central antagonists of the entire series — are unnamed within the first episode itself, but it is well-known to any Doctor Who nerd worth their salt that these monsters are called The Silence. They’re one part The Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s “Hush” (4.10), one part Dementors from Harry Potter, and edging up on the Weeping Angels in terms of the sheer terror that they provoke. Every time The Silence show up on screen, the hairs on the back of your neck will be standing at attention.

This episode is very much reminiscent of “The Time of Angels” (5.4) and “The Pandorica Opens” (5.12) in that it is epic in scale with elaborate narrative arcs and characters on the brink of disaster — all while maintaining a decidedly ‘Part One’ feel. Steven Moffat told director Toby Haynes to film this premiere episode as if it were the first part of a finale — and this comes across like gangbusters. The TARDIS team is brought together only to be separated and placed on the chessboard that is Doctor Who’s sixth series. To say that I am intrigued as to where Steven Moffat moves his chess pieces is an understatement. And I’m sure you will agree with me wholeheartedly when Amy Pond picks up a gun in the  last moment of “The Impossible Astronaut” — and pulls the trigger.

Because this overview of “The Impossible Astronaut” was mostly spoiler-free, I thought I’d share a little hints as to what’s to come in the first episode:

Ten Teasers For Doctor Who’s “The Impossible Astronaut”:

1. Amy is keeping two secrets from The Doctor.
2. The Doctor tries to pull a “Blink” with Rory’s DVDs.
3. For Mr. and Mrs. Pond, it’s been a while since “A Christmas Carol”.
4. For The Doctor, it’s been much, much longer.
5. “River, make her blue again!”
6. The Doctor attempts white wine, despite hating red wine in “The Lodger”.
7. The Doctor and I share a theory about “special straws”.
8. Remember that moment when The Doctor pokes Rory in “The Big Bang”?
9. “The legs, the nose and Mrs. Robinson.”
10. Star Trek: The Original Series ended in 1969. You should keep that in mind.

“The Impossible Astronaut” and the sixth series of Doctor Who is coming to SPACE in Canada on April 23rd, 2011, at 8 p.m. It will be preceded by the Doctor Who specials, starring the tenth incarnation of The Doctor (David Tennant) and the entirety of Steven Moffat’s fifth series.

Earlier this morning, HBO released ratings numbers for the premiere of their new epic fantasy series Game of Thrones, which we thoroughly enjoyed. Though the ratings were solid – if decidedly unspectacular – HBO also announced the show’s renewal for a second season. Great news for fans new and old.

Here’s James Hibberd of Entertainment Weekly with a succinct summary of Sunday’s ratings: “The first episode delivered a decent 2.2 million viewers for its premiere airing… then a rather strong 1.2 million for its first encore, and another 800,000 for the third telecast for an overall healthy total of 4.2 million.”

Those numbers are well behind the 5 million viewers who tuned in for the Boardwalk Empire premiere – but who are we kidding – no one seriously expected Game of Thrones to best the prohibition drama. Boardwalk Empire had several advantages over Game of Thrones: firstly, Boardwalk, as an organized crime drama, is a comparatively easy sell for HBO. Boardwalk also benefited from being advertised extensively during True Blood (another huge hit for the cable network) and also had a huge name – in Martin Scorsese – attached to the pilot as the director. In our humble opinion, Tim Van Patten is a stone-cold visual narrative bad-ass, but he doesn’t exactly generate the same pomp and circumstance as a legend like Scorsese.

As was smartly pointed out by Warming Glow – Game of Thrones may have failed to best Boardwalk Empire, but it did handily beat-out the Treme premiere’s ratings, and Treme was also renewed by HBO right off the bat.

The fact that Game of Thrones set a ratings record for its British network Sky Atlantic is a very positive sign for HBO. Serialized cable television series generate a good proportion of their revenue off the sale of DVD/Blu-Ray box-sets, and with a strong international audience – Game of Thrones could be a huge success in that format.

On some level, HBO is likely disappointed that Game of Thrones failed to crack the 3 million viewers mark for the premiere – however, the underlying ratings numbers still look promising, and there is significant room for growth. Positive reviews, word of mouth and a hearty serving of smut and blood helped True Blood woo mainstream viewers – and the challenge for Game of Thrones, now, is to do the same.

Can the show have appeal beyond fans of the books, fans of fantasy and women who like men with swords? We still can’t answer that question, and time will tell, but we certainly hope so. In the meantime, we’re just looking forward to at least 19 more episodes of Emilia Clarke nude, Sean Bean’s classic “gravely agonizing over matters of honour” face and more sloppy sound-effects to accompany various types of dismemberment!

Game of Thrones continues Sunday nights at 9 PM on HBO and HBO Canada.

With the premiere of HBO’s epic fantasy series Game of Thrones less than two weeks away, the hype surrounding the show contiunues to increase. The sprawling TV adaptation, based on author George R. R. Martin’s revered A Song of Ice and Fire novels, is already winning rave reviews from critics and fans alike. The Shelf had the opportunity to see the first two episodes of the show earlier this week and came away very impressed.

Today we were lucky enough to speak with actor Kit Harington (in Toronto filming Silent Hill: Revelation), who plays Jon Snow in Game of Thrones. As the bastard son of Lord Eddard Stark (Sean Bean), Snow is the black sheep of his family. In an effort to find his place in the world, Jon joins the Night’s Watch; a once proud order of warriors dedicated to defending the northern reaches of the kingdom from an unknown threat. We discussed the audition process, the character of Jon Snow, the sprawling and illustrious cast, Thrones fan sites, and what he keeps on his dork shelf.

Viewer beware: there is a potential spoiler at 11:10 in the interview.

Special thanks to all the folks who submitted questions for Kit via email! Sorry that we couldn’t get to them all.

Game of Thrones begins April 17 at 9 PM on HBO Canada and HBO.

The new season of Doctor Who begins in a little over two weeks on April 23. I don’t think I’ve quivered with this much anticipation since the new series began five or so years ago. I went into the last season with mixed feelings. I had full confidence in new head writer Stephen Moffat, but was worried about the loss of David Tennant. All I can say now is, David who (yes, pun intended)? Matt Smith brings a wry humour, energy and more delicious darkness to the Doctor, and he is more than matched by Karen Gillan as his sexy and intrepid companion Amy/Amelia. They are now by far the best pairing. And while I sometimes miss just having the two of them share the screen, the additions of extra companions Rory and River Song work very nicely. The trailer offers a few clues to upcoming episodes.

Doctor Who Season (Series) 6 begins April 23 on SPACE, BBC and BBC America

On Monday, we were treated to the first two episodes of HBO’s highly anticipated, big-budget fantasy serial Game of Thrones, based on R.R. Martin’s fantasy series of the same name. Though we left the screening rather impressed, we wonder whether the series will have the cross-over appeal required to sustain itself at its current budget – roughly estimated at 4.5 million per episode.

Despite our concerns, Game of Thrones has a lot going for it. The pilot and the second episode are filled with bloody middle-ages style violence, and feature a number of gorgeous actresses in the buff. The heady cocktail of beheadings, blood, the supernatural, perversion and sex that pervade the first two episodes of the series, hints at Thrones‘ potential to be a better version of True Blood – only catered towards nerds and straight guys. HBO released the first 15 minutes of the series as an exclusive sneak-peak on Sunday evening and it attracted 720,000 viewers. Though the balance of the first two episodes fails to maintain the “beheadings per minute” ratio of the sneak-peak, it’s a good indicator of the level and quality of the violence in the first couple of episodes.

The pilot centers around Lord Eddard “Ned” Stark – portrayed by a characteristically grim Sean Bean – and his family. The Starks are a noble house, and they occupy Winterfell, a remote outpost in the North. But there is trouble afoot in the kingdom, and Ned is asked by the King to take up the dangerous, and powerful position of ‘Hand of the King’ in the capital of King’s Landing. Sean Bean grapples with the decision of whether or not to accept, and luckily for the audience, he’s a master at making decisions seem particularly grave and significant. Frankly, I would happily watch Sean Bean fret about his order at Subway for an hour (Turkey… Or Tuna? <grimaces>) – thankfully in Game of Thrones he’s given significantly more intriguing circumstances to grapple with.

The sound effects were of particular interest to me, the presence of gusting winds in the North being a dominant feature of the first episodes. The wind is omnipresent in the North, almost its own character, and its used effectively – infusing the action with a sense of wildness, suspense and vulnerability. The visual effects, costumes and settings are inspired; the acting is stellar; and the plot, though satisfyingly complex, manages to avoid being too complicated for the uninitiated to follow.

HBO mainstay Tim Van Patten – a veteran of The Wire, The Pacific, Deadwood, Boardwalk Empire and The Sopranos – directs the first two episodes with his usual steady-hand. His accomplishment is commendable, he ably manages to introduce the viewer to a diverse set of characters, and the unfamiliar world they occupy, while maintaining a watchable, entertaining pace. It must have been a tough balancing act – but it’s pulled off with aplomb.

Regardless of the ultimate success or failure of the show – we applaud HBO for committing their talent, experience and money to an ambitious experiment within the fantasy genre. We enjoyed their previous foray into medieval/classical period pieces with Rome – but, it’s safe to say – we’ve never seen anything like Game of Thrones on cable before. Will that be enough to sustain the series? We’re not going to bet our dire-wolf on it, but our fingers are crossed.

Game of Thrones begins airing April 17th at 9 PM on HBO and HBO Canada.

More new footage arrived from the Wondercon convention this past weekend; while we let you guys know about the extended Green Lantern trailer yesterday, today we come back with some new Thundercats footage!

I’m a little young for Thundercats, so I’m going to leave the nostalgia-ing to those who’ve had a little more experience; maybe it’s time that I go back and relive one of the 80s’ much-vaunted series.

There’s a new reality show in Canada that doesn’t involve crazy club-hoppers, people who think they can host a proper dinner party (but really can’t) or those who think they can be the next Canadian Idol. What it does have are indie musicians trying to catch their big break from the industry professionals who get to travel across the country searching for new talent.

The name of the game is From Far and Wide. Musicians apply online for a slot and then, if chosen, they will duke it out with three other competitors on an episode for each Canadian province. The winner of the episode will go onto a final battle of all the provinces for the opportunity to record an EP, while the runner-up will get a three song demo.

Check out the trailer for the first episode (Ontario), which features previously Dork Shelf-mentioned artists Hands & Teeth. You can even see them play live tomorrow in Toronto at Parts & Labour with Heartbeat Hotel ($5 / Doors at 10 / 19+)

Artists interested in applying should email fromfarandwide@gmail.com.

Before the holidays I embarked on the perilous journey of choosing the ten ‘greatest’ Simpsons characters from the show’s last 20 years, not including the principle family itself.  Check selections 10 through 6 out here.  A perfectly cromulent list thus far, if I do say so myself.  The final five are even harder to decide upon because they have to stand above those already mentioned.  No easy task.  Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Simpsons characters part 2, numbers 5 to 1.  I make no apologies this time!  After all, I voted for Kodos.

5. Krusty the Clown: Many original writers’ favorite, Krusty is an even greater schmaltz than Troy McClure – but for entirely different reasons.  He is certainly the worst possible character to be a child’s role model (with the possible exception of Mr. Burns) and a biting take on every Hollywood icon whose behind-the-scenes life is nothing short of pathetic.  Krusty is at his best when he is forgetting who Bart is (another similarity to Burns), selling out and then blowing the money, or tormenting his sideshow performers.  And let us not forget that it is Krusty who brings us the glory that is Itchy & Scratchy.  You know Krusty is a great character when the animators can leave him in his clown makeup and outfit for the entire tenure of the show and yet he fits in perfectly with the rest of a Simpsons mob.  It becomes hard to recognize that at any given time he’s still wearing clown fatigues.  Though no Simpsons character should ever have a spin-off of any kind, Krusty the Clown would be my choice if someone put a gun to my head.  If anyone could get the Red Hot Chili Peppers to change their lyrics, it’s the purveyor of Krusty Home Pregnancy Kits.

Accepting the award is the son of the guy who played Huggy Bear.

Best Episode – Homie the Clown: There are many episodes that feature Krusty prominently, especially his wonderful comeback special featuring a vengeful Bette Midler, but “Homie the Clown” revolves so fully around clowning, with Homer taking on Krusty’s likeness, that pound for pound it has the most “Krusty” moments.  Though Homer grabs a lot of the spotlight, Krusty is in top form getting schmoes to do all the jobs he wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot clown-pole.  Vintage Krusty:

ACCOUNTANT: “Let me get this straight.  You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?”
KRUSTY: “I thought the Generals were due!”

KRUSTY: “Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.  My house is dirty, buy me a new one.”

KRUSTY: “Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party’s over, right? Wrong!” (whips a pie that smashes dowager’s face into the wall)
HOMER: “Kill… wealthy… dowager.”

4. Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman may work in broadcast journalist, but a more alarmist name would be “The Killbot Factory.” The face of Channel 6 News and yet another ass from the entertainment industry, for me Kent Brockman is the most underrated character on the show.  He does not have a catch-phrase, there is nothing catchy about his voice or appearance, but upon re-watching he truly has some killer lines.  What’s great about Kent is that most of his material is either high-brow political or social commentary or ridiculous paranoia.  I mean, we’re talking about the guy who asks an expert if it’s time for people to crack each other’s heads open to feast on the goo inside.  Brockman is a further satirical stretch than most other characters on the show.  He is less of a spot-on critique than an aggrandized oaf, and it almost seems as though the writers enjoy making him spew flippant remarks a little too much, but this allows the character to expand into one whose strength comes entirely from his punch-lines.

Well, this reporter was...a little hasty earlier...

Best Episode – Deep Space Homer: HAIL ANTS.  Vintage Brockman:

BROCKMAN: “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just lost the picture, but, uh, what we’ve seen speaks for itself.  The Corvair spacecraft has been taken over – “conquered”, if you will – by a master race of giant space ants.  It’s difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them.  One thing is for certain.  There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.  I’d like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.”

3. Grandpa Simpson: Another sometimes overlooked character is Homer’s befuddled and neglected pop, Abraham Simpson.  I love Grandpa.  If Golden Girls has taught me anything, it is that zany old people are hilarious and Grandpa is about as zany as they come.  Though useful as a sentimental character and story mover, he is better used as a gag character who is there when he needs to be to point out that the government doesn’t control the sky and you could live in a balloon.  Granpda can fill either role because he has been constructed as a bit of a renaissance man.  He has been a Love Tonic swilling man in love (“nope, it’s a stroke”), a former Flying Hellfish union strikebreaker, and even a super-sleuth foiling the car burglar Malloy.  There is not much that you can’t imagine Grandpa not having done.  He’s old.  He canceled Star Trek. He is bound to have picked up some random things here and there over the years – such as a hamburger that could take a bite out of you!

Yo, Mom, we haven't got the eyeballs yet.

Best Episode – Treehouse of Horror III: Gotta mention at least one Treehouse of Horror episode, and Grandpa Simpson delivers some of his best lines at the kids’ Halloween party before telling the story of “King Homer.”  There are numerous more Abe-heavy episodes out there, but I preferred to demonstrate his ability to steal scenes in episodes he is barely in.  Vintage Grandpa:

GRANDPA: “That doll is evil, I tell you. EEEEEEVILLLL!”
MARGE: “Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.”
GRANDPA: “I just want attention.”

BART: “Nice try, Mr. Flanders, but I’ve got a story so scary you’ll wet your pants.”
GRANDPA: “Too late.” (kids all shy away)

MARGE: “Where’d you get all the money?”
GRANDPA: “The government.  I didn’t earn it, I don’t need it, but if they miss one payment, I’ll raise hell.”

2. Lionel Hutz: The unfair passing of Phil Hartman is still one of the saddest moments in Hollywood for me.  There have been a lot more famous people who have died since, but still none have seemed near as important.  A testament to his fine voice acting and unique announcer-esque vaudevillian voice, Hartman makes two appearances on my list with Troy McClure and now Lionel Hutz, attorney at law and expert shoe repair.  Perhaps only having Hutz for earlier seasons of The Simpsons has worked in his favour, but he always delivers, consistently fudging family court appearances or attempts to smooth-talk passing shoppers into purchasing half-drunk Orange Julius.  It is no surprise his first appearance is in the same episode as Dr. Nick, bandaging Bart up to induce a heftier settlement.  Ironically, in something I am sure the writers did not think possible, this is about as competent as Hutz’s legal work gets on the show – that is, if you don’t count the fact he actually knows what ‘contingency’ means on his mixed up sign: “Works on contingency? No, money down!”

Ah, ballet.

Best Episode – Marge on the Lam: Hiring a guy rummaging through your garbage as a babysitter is usually an unwise decision, but it allowed us to see Lionel Hutz’s vibrant personality shine.  “Marge on the Lam” is one of the few times that Lionel Hutz is a relevant character outside of the court house or his legal office.  Vintage Hutz:

HUTZ: “Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries.  Look at him!  He’s wearing a belt.  That’s Hollywood for ya.”

HUTZ: “Don’t touch my stuff! Hey, this isn’t the YMCA…”

HUTZ: “Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn’t help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.”
HOMER: “We pay eight dollars for the night and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.”
HUTZ: “Three.”
HOMER: “Two.”
HUTZ: “Okay, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.”
HOMER: “Done.”
HUTZ: “Still got it.”

1. C. Montgomery Burns: Based on Matt Groening’s math teacher, Mr. Burns is a crooked old man whose name is synonymous with malevolence and whose lifetime of work in the power plant has left him as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.  Mr. Burns wins the coveted top billing for being an unmitigated force of evil in Springfield, and being solely responsible for many major plot elements in some of the very best episodes.  In addition to the “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” episodes at the end of Season 6 and the start of Season 7 – likely the most hyped Simpsons ‘event’ after people doing the Bartman – Burns is also involved in: building a new casino in “$pringfield,” acquiring 25 champion grey hound puppies in “Two Dozen & One Greyhounds,” hiring a team of ringers in “Homer at the Bat,” and even being the alien in “The Springfield Files.”  In fact, more than any other side-character in The Simpsons, Mr. Burns has influenced our principal family’s life: not just for the worst, but for the funniest. He was the one who had the Rolling Stones killed. He was the one who had a missing Brazilian soccer team working his reactor core. He is the one who survives till one million A.D. as a robotic head-in-a-jar.  If Homer is a satirical take on a working-class hero, then Burns is the villain, oppressing his workers, skimping on safety and environmental regulations, and preferring the hands-on touch of hired goons.  While most of the other characters on this list are hilarious in notable scenes, Mr. Burns dominates entire episodes – so much so that it was very difficult to pick an example of when Burns’ star shone the brightest.  Fortunately for you, I am here to bear the brunt of this conundrum.

...the BLURST of times!?

Best Episode – Last Exit to Springfield: Oh, I so desperately wanted to quote Burns Sr. at the Dickensian Atom Smashing Plant!  From Mr. Burns’ attempts to win Homer over to he & Smithers trying to run the planet by themselves, “Last Exit to Springfield” is both a riot and heartfelt victory of good versus Grinch.  Vintage Burns:

BURNS: “This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters.  Soon they’ll have written the greatest novel known to man.  Let’s see.  ‘It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times!?’ You stupid monkey!”

BURNS: “Look at them all through the darkness I’m bringing, they’re not sad at all, they’re actually singing.”

BURNS: “Oh, if only we’d listened to that young man instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.”

KENT BROCKMAN: “Now, Mr. Burns, you said you wanted an opening tirade.”
BURNS: “Yes, thank you, Kent.  Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city.  No one will be spared.  NO ONE!”
BROCKMAN: (chuckles) “A chilling portrait of things to come.”

BURNS: “And this is my basement.”
HOMER: “Gee, it’s not as nice as the other rooms.”
BURNS: “Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.”

BURNS: “Ah, Homer.  I hope Crusher and Low Blow didn’t hurt you.”
HOMER: “You know, you could have just called me.”
BURNS: “Oh, yes, but the telephone is so impersonal.  I prefer the hands-on touch you only get with hired goons.”

*P.S.: Hank Scorpio didn’t make the list because he’s only in one episode – does not qualify!*

With The Simpsons’ 20-year anniversary having been on December 18^th, you would think that I would make two top 10 lists, but alas my list formats were made to be followed and ten is still a perfectly cromulent number.  After all, being 20 years old isn’t what makes The Simpsons great, its many instances of greatness do.  Of those there are surely more than twenty.  While other soft news locales are writing impacting diatribes about the show’s lasting effects on a generation, I want to take it another direction and celebrate those who have helped our beloved farce of an American family reach this milestone.  Part One of my top 10 will consist of characters 10-6, with Part Two concluding after the holidays.

Watching The Simpsons you come to love the iconic and dysfunctional family, but you also come to love Springfield, from the Tire Dump to the Nuclear Power Plant.  A cast of well-over 100 supporting characters was born in this town, a great many of which helped carry the comedy load while the show successfully bridged four decades.  From the exhausted staff under Principal Seymour Skinner at Springfield Elementary to the grossly inadequate police forces of Chief Clancy Wiggum, Groening and company concocted a bevy of characters so fantastic they can dominate a joke, a scene, or even an entire episode.  Here are the top 10 neighbourhood characters from 20 years of The Simpsons and the episodes that made them great (if I forget your favourite, *annoyed grunt*) :

10. Reverend Lovejoy: Reverend Lovejoy is one of those underrated characters that is consistently brilliant.  It would be really easy and lazy for The Simpsons to make Lovejoy the polar opposite of what a minister should be, some sort of alcoholic womanizer or something, but instead they take a subtler approach to his satire.  He is a devout man of faith, yet he is terribly exhausted by the weight of his own church – shown both in his uniformly boring sermons and his apathetic dealings with Ned Flanders.  Thus, whenever he skirts the line on morality, it is much funnier than if he was simply the worst man for the job.  It makes his reaction to his daughter Jessica’s rebellion (“Well, come on! Use your imaginations!”) and the impending doom of the Bart Comet (“It’s all over, people! We haven’t got a prayer!”) all the more effective.

Bart sells his soul for funny-smelling sponges.

Best Episode – Bart Sells His Soul: The reverend is only really a main character in one episode, “In Marge We Trust,” but Lovejoy really shines brightest in his role uncovering Bart’s prank, switching the choral music and killing the church organist.  Vintage Lovejoy:

LOVEJOY: “Wait a minute.  This sounds like rock and or roll.”

LOVEJOY: “And now please rise for our opening hymn, ‘In the Garden of Eden’ by I. Ron Butterfly.”

LOVEJOY: “Milhouse, you did the right thing by telling me.  Bart, come with me for punishment… you too, snitchy.”

9. Troy McClure: Let’s just start with a list of titles: Here Comes the Coast Guard, Dial M for Murderousness, The Erotic Adventures of Hercules, The Boatjacking of Supership 79, The President’s Neck is Missing!, Leper in the Backfield, Hydro – the Man With Hydraulic Arms, and, of course, The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel. Who among you would not see these Troy McClure “classics” if they actually existed?  Having been seen in everything under the sun, Phil Hartman’s sell-out schmaltz of an actor Troy McClure is a great character for both movie parodies and home shopping atrocities.  I mean, this is the guy who points out that until now the best way to get juice out of an orange is to crush it against your forehead.  He makes the list because his shtick remains fresh.  Each self-introduction brings a new pair of ridiculous titles without the viewer feeling like the show is bombarding you (with Bible questions!) with the character’s gimmicky catch phrase.

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Best Episode – A Fish Called Selma:  I don’t think this is much of a surprise, as it features a cavalcade of hilarious faux movie titles and a plot rife with Hollywood phoniness.  Not to mention Planet of the Apes: The Musical.  Vintage Troy:

TROY: “That’s right, boys, Troy’s back from the gutter and he’s brought someone with him.”

TROY: “Hello, Selma Bouvier.  You might remember me from such dates as last night’s dinner.”

WAITER: “Cigarette, Mrs. McClure?”
TROY: “You bet.  From now on, she’s smoking for two.”

8. Dr. Nick Riviera: Another character with an amazingly infectious quotability is Hollywood Upstairs Medical College graduate Dr. Nick.  Though rare to be seen in later episodes of the show, for a few seasons during the golden age of The Simpsons they didn’t need Dr. Hibbert – they had his unqualified Hispanic equivalent.  Incompetence is a great tool for comedy, but it is especially poignant in Nick because of the importance of his profession.  It is also notable that Dr. Nick is basically the town malnutritionist.  In addition to his juicer which comes with laxative sun tan lotion, he helps Homer reach 300 pounds in “King-Size Homer” by providing details on the neglected food groups and non-toxic play doughs.  Dr. Nick is on the list because his character allowed the writers to include a plethora of dark and morbid jokes about America’s health care system or lack thereof.

You are highly skilled... at goofing off!

Best Episode – Homer’s Triple By-pass: An episode about Homer undergoing major surgery is serious enough as far as Simpsons episodes go, but when you add Nick to the equation it becomes both funnier and more intense – particularly when Homer’s insides get stuck to his wristwatch.  Vintage Nick:

Dr. NICK: “Call 1-600-DOCTORB… the B is for ‘bargain!’”

Dr. NICK: “Oh, no. Blood!  They didn’t tell me about this in medical school. (tape fuzzes into People Who Look Like Things)  Oh, no, someone taped over the end of this.”

Dr. NICK: “The coroner?  I’m so sick of that guy.  Well, see you in the operating place.”
REPORTER (scrumming): “Where are the bodies?”
Dr. NICK: “Such a beautiful day.  I think I’ll go out the window.”

7. Milhouse Van Houten: Bart’s nerdy best friend Milhouse has been through a lot and has a hard road ahead of him if episodes like “Lisa’s Wedding” prophesied truly.  He’s gotten pummeled as goaltender for the Kwik-E-Mart Gougers, his parents got a divorce in season 8, and he has even spent an episode being chased by the FBI (“Oh, no, not again!”) in “Lisa’s Rival.”  Milhouse has the incredible use of being both Bart’s weak and pathetic friend and a surprisingly tender soul.  For example, we often see Milhouse cry – like when he does long division and has a remainder left over or when Itchy & Scratchy take too long to get to the fireworks factory – but we also have moments where he exhibits a poetic soul, such as when two doves cry in “Lemon of Troy” or  his slow suffering as Fallout Boy in “Radioactive Man.”  Despite all this, I can’t help but think his best moment was getting whacked in the head by the mike of Robert Goulet in “$pringfield.”

You guys wanna see something gross?

Best Episode – Bart’s Friend Falls in Love: The magic 8-ball might have seen this coming.  Samantha Stanky’s arrival in class sets Milhouse and Bart apart and the result ain’t pretty.  The comedy and transition in Milhouse’s character throughout, though, is.  Vintage Van Houten:

MILHOUSE: “How could this happen?  We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.”

MILHOUSE: “I went to Circus of Values and bought you a ten-gallon tub of Gummi Bears.”

MILHOUSE: “Let me try.  Will I get beaten up today?” (8-ball: all signs point to yes).
NELSON: “That ball knows everything.” (clobbers Milhouse)

6. Sideshow Bob Underdunk-Terwilliger: Though crude and but a cardboard cut-out of his later self for a few seasons, Sideshow Bob truly developed into a very funny and very useful character – which is likely why in later seasons the writers kept coming back to him.  Though he has his share of the comedy load (see: physical comedy – rakes to the face), Bob also adds danger, mystery, and malevolence to any given episode.  Not to mention crisp linguistic phrasings and high-brow pontificating.  Compare this to other guest characters – even main characters – and you can see what a joy Sideshow Bob must be to write.  A lot of menace, a touch of buffoon, and an inescapable fate of having his chances dashed at the last moment, no matter how clever the plot, makes for involved story telling and an involving antagonist.  It must be mentioned that Kelsey Grammer deserves a whole lot of credit for his voice work, because in addition to hopping from articulate to diabolical, sometimes in the same sentence, his take at Frasier likely influenced the decision to let Bob transform into a scholarly dissident waxing poetic.

Wanna see my new chainsaw and hockey mask!?!?

Best Episode – Cape Feare: I am a fan of most Sideshow Bob-driven episodes, but his return in season 5 is certainly the most terrifying.  Fitting, since the Simpsons move to Terror Lake.  Or should I say the Thompsons?  The cactus patch scene gets me every time.  Vintage Sideshow Bob:

SIDESHOW BOB: “Oh, I’ll stay away from your son all right.  Stay away… FOREVER.”

SIDESHOW BOB: “Very well, Bart.  I will send you to heaven before I send you to hell.”

SIDESHOW BOB: “No, that’s German for ‘The Bart, The.’”
PAROLE BOARD MEMBER: “No one who speaks German could be an evil man.”

*Part 2, featuring characters 5-1, to come after the holidays.  Any guesses as to who they could be?*