Like, if I bought it or something.  Or found it in my garage.

10. Swing to work: No more long walks for me.   As long as I live in the shadow of condominiums, I could use my grapple beam like Spider-Man uses webslingers – that is, to hurtle through the city 50 feet up like a really heavy bird.  Since every time Samus needs to grapple anywhere in-game a grapple station is present, I would assume the same would apply to my carousing.

9. Disguise myself as a basketball: Professional basketball players are pretty strong folk, but how hilarious would it be to watch one drop a super-dense Samus ball on his foot during practice?  They would be confused, and then after seeing my powerful energy glow would likely think they had found a magic basketball.  Then the kid from Rookie of the Year would show up and we’d all star in a movie.

8. Expose closet-case robosexuality: Every red-blooded male knows that sans suit Samus Aran is one sexy female, especially if you beat Super Metroid in under one hour.  So I’d lure some frat boy upstairs by being hyper-seductive, and then when he’s all hot ‘n… well, not heavy, by proportion… er, bothered, I’d remove my helmet and exhibit my maleness, thus making him question whether it was indeed the metal he was attracted to and if he has a weird fixation. Read the rest of this entry »